


And I've been waiting such a long time

by ayamirin



Series: keep passing the open windows [1]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco, The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series - Anna Green, Young Veins
Genre: Fanfic for a fanfic, Fluff, I love THROAM -- this is my gift to it, Jon Walker - Mention, M/M, Period Typical Attitudes, Period Typical Language, Spencer Smith - Mention, the heart rate of a mouse - Freeform, throam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 07:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11076963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayamirin/pseuds/ayamirin
Summary: It is the year 1998. Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross attend the wedding of a close family friend and reflect on their relationship over the last twenty-odd years.========“ The gay factor will boost sales.”“ Maybe.” He finishes the wine with a shrug.I am not wrong. They were burning as many of our records as they were buying them. I remember Vicky rambling on over the phone about how we were having a two to one average with sales versus burnings. How was she able to figure that out, I have no idea. Ryan just thought they were buying just to burn them. I didn’t really care; I was still getting rich off of their bigoted ignorance. So, technically, the gay factor does boost sales.Not that any of that actually matters.





	And I've been waiting such a long time

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fanfic to the fanfic [The Heart Rate of a Mouse](http://archiveofourown.org/series/712953) written by Anna Green.

“ God, when did we get so old.” I hear Ryan mumble from where he's sitting next to me at a banquet table covered in a white sheet with a yellow tulip centerpiece. The centerpiece is wrapped in white lace and plastic pearls, with the initials ‘S+K’ embroidered in a repeating pattern in yellow. There’s a menu next to it, and at the bottom in a delicate cursive font,  _ Welcome to the union of Mister and Misses Jones. _

I look at him and watch as he chews on a piece of roast beef with a grumpy expression on his face. He swallows, picks up the wine glass in front of him, and downs the red wine in a single gulp.  

Here we are, at a winery deep in the heart of the Napa Valley celebrating the wedding of Suzie Smith to Kenneth Jones and Ryan Ross is completely miserable.

It's nothing new. These temper tantrums come when he's forced to actually be in a social setting every once every blue moon. Clubs were fine for us twenty years ago but as we’ve gotten older he’s become more content with just curling up on the couch with a book or in the music room with his guitar. He denied that it had anything to do with the ‘big scandal’. I think it has everything to do with it. 

It's actually  _ hilarious  _ to see him  _ so _ miserable in that tailored black suit at a wedding. It's kind of cute. I brush some hair away from his eyes and he swats me away like a little boy. Oh, how I love it when he has his little tantrums. It makes me want to embarrass him even more.

Usually the father of the bride would be the miserable one at a wedding, but Ryan seems to have taken up the responsibility of the grumpy old man upset that their baby is now leaving the nest to start their own family. I see little Suzie on the dance floor in her father's embrace as they have their dance to the pleasure of the crowd in attendance. My heart swells and I smile. 

Spencer looks so proud. I haven't seen him this happy since he got remarried. Not to say he wasn't happy when his other children were born or when he finally won the Grammy for his work on our last album. There's just something different. Like he's so sure -- so  _ confident _ \-- that this is something he did  _ right _ in life. He looks at Suzie with so much love and pride a father could have for one’s daughter, I’m surprised he hasn't broken down in tears yet.

We haven't gotten to the speeches yet. I imagine we'll hear the great legendary drummer’s sobs soon enough. 

In the meantime, I take pleasure in watching my grumpy boy grumble on about being old and when did the kids become adults.

“ I remember when she was this small, Bren.  _ This small _ .” He holds his thumb and index finger an inch apart for emphasis. I just smile and nod, resting my cheek on the palm of my hand. “ Now look at her! A grown woman! Married!” He sighs as he waves for a waiter. “ You know, forty-eight this year, but it feels like I was twenty-four yesterday and she was just born!”

“ Forty-seven over here.” I chime in idly.

“ Look at Jon. When I met him, he and Cassie were so into each other I didn't even  _ think _ they’d have the time for having kids. Now look at them with their  _ tribe _ of kids. Who needs that many kids?”

Across the banquet was Jon and Cassie with their five kids. They were all two years apart with the oldest now sixteen. The youngest two are playing with their food but then their mother reprimand them with a look that would freeze hell twice over. Their oldest looks bored out his mind, while the twin daughters pull and tug at their dad asking him a million plus one questions. They looked so damn happy. Absolutely picture perfect. 

“ Five kids mean five more weddings to attend.”

“ Seven if you include Spencer’s younger two.”

The waiter arrives with a bottle of wine in hand. A 1982 vintage red wine. Ryan holds his glass out, but his attention doesn’t leave the dance floor. Neither does mine; Spencer twirls his daughter under his arm like a princess. She’s laughing, he’s grinning like a fool. It wasn’t easy coparenting with Haley, but he did it and it paid off.

“ Ah, I forgot about those two.”

Actually, I didn’t. They’re sitting at the table with their mother, Spencer’s second wife, finding one of those portable video games far more interesting than watching their dad dance with their older half sister.

Ryan takes a sip from the wine and puts the glass down on the table. He leans back in the white folding chair and crosses his arms.

“ I always wondered what my wedding day would have been like if I had, you know, went all the way with Keltie.” He says with a hum to his voice. I raise an eyebrow at the stray thought. I remember Keltie; she was a nice girl but perhaps too nice for Ryan. She deserved better and not because he’s now my partner. She-- _they_ deserved better than us.  

“ I would imagine it being a trip to the courthouse with the reception party at Studio 54.” I say lightly. “ Whi-i-te li-i-nes.” I sing. He punches me lightly in the arm and I feign like I’m hurt before we’re both laughing. 

 “ She would have wanted the glitz and glam. The white dress, bridesmaids, the church… Probably out in the Hamptons somewhere. A courthouse wedding would be insulting to her.” 

“ You would have done all of that?” 

“ Yeah.” He nods. “ Yeah, I think I would have. I also don’t think we would have lasted.” 

“ Why?”

He shrugs, “ My disposition as a shitty human being keeps me from having long relationships.” 

“ Then what do you call this?” 

 He looks at me and I look at him. He grins and I swear I fall for him all over again. 

 “ What we have is more than a relationship. What we have is a partnership.”

 “ Wow. What a romantic. You make it sound like we’re engaged in a business venture.” 

He leans forward and wiggles his eyebrows at me. I laugh as a lean forward because it’s just so stupid at how hopelessly childish he can become at a moment’s notice. He’s usually aloof most of the time, but then there’s these moments where he’ll become a googly-eyed teenager just to get me to laugh. It could be the lamest thing ever and I’ll always fall for it and laugh.

I press my lips against his, “ Isn’t marriage a business venture anyway?” He says against mine before he pulls away. I blink at him and he shrugs, taking the wine glass in his hand and sipping from his drink.

“ Are you proposing to me now? Because if so, that’s the worst proposal I have ever heard. My answer would be no if it's gonna be like that.” 

“ No, I’m not proposing. I think we’re a bit too old for that, don’t you think? Ignoring the fact that it’s not even legal and we’re still breaking laws in a few states. But isn’t that what all of this is? Yeah, we’re all here to celebrate these two joining in ‘holy matrimony’, but in the eyes of the government it's all just legal paperwork to determine who gets to inherit all the money when the other dies.” He puts the glass back down. “ When you look at marriage that way, it honestly makes it so unattractive. I wish Suzie all the best but I doubt seeing this last more than five years.”

“ Ryan!” I hiss, slapping his arm. He looks at me with raised eyebrows.

“ What? I’m just saying.”

“ Save it for the music.” I say and he snorts.

“ Yeah, the music. Because everyone wants to hear marriage advice from a homosexual.”

“ It’ll be the best advice. Trust me. It’ll sell millions.” I say as I paint the sky above with my hand dramatically. 

“ I haven’t sold a million records since 1985.”

“ The gay factor will boost sales.”

“ Maybe.” He finishes the wine with a shrug.

I was not wrong. They were burning as many of our records as they were buying them. I remember Vicky rambling on over the phone about how we were having a two to one average with sales versus burnings. How was she able to figure that out, I have no idea. Ryan just thought they were buying just to burn them. I didn’t really care; I was still getting rich off of their bigoted ignorance. So, technically, the gay factor does boost sales. 

 Not that any of that actually matters.

I never thought I would ever get married. I grew up with the belief that people got married to have sex and reproduce without being in sin. A man was to create a family and take care of it as the head of the household. It also involved love but given how amazing me and Ryan’s childhoods were, love really didn't play much into it.

Also, gay people can't have kids. We sure as hell can't adopt them without legal drama.... Yeah, we could probably find some surrogate to carry our child, but then we'd have to decide who was going to be the donor and then what is the surrogate is crazy, like from that one movie? What’s the purpose of getting married if the sole purpose of tying the knot is to have a bunch of kids?

I would never change my last name to Ross. He would definitely not change his to Urie. 

We're fine with what we have. Two equals in a strong relationship that has tested us more times than we could ever count.

Ryan has considered it. It's the legalities for him.  If I become sick, he has to fight my family for access. If he gets sick, the same thing. When it comes to life altering decisions, we have no say in each other's life. If we don't draft up a will, more than likely all of our assets would just become a ward of the state. Our assets, earnings, the taxes… all of it is either in his name or mine. Not together. Separate but not equal. 

“ Do you want to?” I asks as the crowd gives applause to Suzie and her father once they finish dancing. 

“ Get married?” Ryan is clapping, so am I, “ I don't see why we should.”

“ But if it were to be legal, would you?”

“ If that's what you want.” We stop clapping. “ Would you?”

“ If that's what you want.”

It's 1998 and I've waited such a long time to finally feel at peace with the direction my life has gone in. The highs were so high that if I did not take time to fall back to earth, I would have floated away and not come back like a balloon. Eventually they pop and come crashing back to earth and become hard times. The lows got so bad I sometimes wondered if I was going to make it out alive. I've truly been blessed to be where I am today.

That fifteen year old boy that left his home in Salt Lake City and hitched a ride somewhere far, far away from home never would known happiness like  _ this  _ was possible for him. That twenty-one year old man stepping into the Castro for the first time never would have considered he'd spend the rest of his life with someone that would transform his life in ways he could not imagine.

Because he was too cute to settle down. Everytime I think about that it makes me laugh.

If this is what marriage is like, then we don't need the fancy ceremonies and parties. We already had it the night of that concert in Barcelona nineteen years ago when we finally realized that this was what we wanted after so many years of trying and heartbreak. We cried, we said some cheesy romantic things, kissed and hugged. That's a wedding. That's what I just witnessed today. 

Even had a honeymoon. Locking yourself with your lover for days fucking and enjoying the beauty of being able spend the rest of your life with that person. That's what that is right? If so, we had that too and more.

I take his hand into mine in the table and intertwine our calloused fingers together. My thumb softly runs over his knuckles and he just sits there and watches one of Kenneth’s friends from university give a speech. Sometime he'll look at me and I at him and we'll smile sheepishly like teenagers in love before focusing on the speeches again from friends and strangers. 

We don't say it much. We let our actions speak for us. Kisses and flowers. Soft touches and little dates. Songwriting sessions and concert performances. To say that word over and over again cheapens it. It looses it's luster and the impact is gone when it's whispered into an ear breathlessly after a passionate night of making love.

But I love him. I love him so much the thought of being without him constricts my chest painfully. 

I don't need a sheet of paper with a government seal to tell me that. Maybe one day, if it ever became legal, we'd take a trip up to the Orange County courthouse and file just for the legal protections. 

But for now I'm happy with what we have.

**Author's Note:**

> Anna mentioned on her Tumblr that she didn't think they would get married because they were from another era... but I think that considering all the legalities of marriage in America, they probably would legalize their relationship just to protect each other in the situation of a life threatening incident. Who knows what Brendon's family would have done if he passed on -- Ryan definitely would be denied access to everything if he did not marry him.
> 
> Anyway, it was described in vol. II that Ryan considered himself a cheesy romantic, or something along the lines of that. The cabin scene in particular just screams at me. I think that the older they got the more comfortable Ryan became with displaying his affections outside the home around friends and family. Definitely not in front of the public though.
> 
> I love the hell out of THROAM. I am totally overstepping myself here but these plotbunnies just won't leave me alone.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
